Fear Is How I Fall
by Steviepants
Summary: Hermione has suffered from a lifetime of crazy emotional stress brought on by her abusive parents, and her friends have never even noticed. What will happen when Draco takes her diary and reads her innermost secrets? Written before the last two books.
1. The Diary

Fear is how I Fall

Chapter one-The Diary

Hermione lay her head in her hands. How did it ever come to this? Why did it have to end this way... couldn't she just rewrite everything... Go back, change things- go back to the simple way things used to be… but she was involved. She couldn't forget...

It had all started a few weeks ago... it's amazing how something so powerful could come about in just a few short weeks...

In the beginning

Everyone had expected Hermione to be perfect all the time- like some sort of dog show winner that the teachers could show off as they pleased. No one knew the pressure they put on her. Getting 9 out of 10 was a failure... and when she got an 8...

Once, after charms was over, Hermione looked at the score on her latest test. Everyone else had looked at their exams right at the moment they got it, but Hermione didn't want to share hers, not this time. Slowly she had been putting off her assignments, and she had gotten behind in almost every class. She unfolded the paper, and she sucked in a sharp breath of air while her heart plummeted into the bottom of her stomach. 65. That was the lowest score she had ever had on... anything.

Harry and Ron were absentmindedly talking about quidditch when Ron turned to see her face. The pain in her eyes was obvious, and they were filling fast with tears. "Hermione? Are you- alright?"

Hermione tried hurriedly to choke down her tears, and tried to put on the happy face she wore so no one would suspect anything.

"Uh- um, yeah... I'm fine," she said before dashing down the hallway to the girls' dormitories.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Harry.

"I don't know," he replied nonchalantly. "She probably only got a 98 this time..." he said, rolling his eyes carelessly.

Hermione ran up to the dormitory and flung herself upon her bed, thankful that everyone else had already gone to lunch. She buried her face in her pillow and screamed as loud as she could. The pain was too much for her to bear... It wasn't anyone's fault, she reminded herself. No one could have noticed. They wouldn't know how my life is... I can't blame anyone except myself.

She crawled off the bed and flipped open her trunk. She pulled out a small, leather-bound book. Her journal- one that she made sure didn't write back.

Dear Diary-

It's happening. I knew it would- and sooner or later I'll be getting an owl from Mum and Dad. They'll want the test... and if I send it they'll make me come home for the Easter holidays. I know they will. Every time I ever wanted to talk about my family with Harry, or even Ron- they looked down their noses at me, like nothing could even compare with what Harry went through. But sometimes... I can't help but think... that having no parents would be easier than this... I mean, Harry's parents weren't there to love him, but mine chose to not love me. I know I probably sound like an insignificant teenager rambling on about how horrible my life is. But how can I pretend anymore? I've been the perfect student for six years, and when my mother saw me at Christmas... her words stung me worse than ever. I've never wanted to be the ideal student. Nor have I ever cared about looks. But ever since Christmas her words have repeated in my mind everytime I think about myself. 'Why can't you do better?' 'You're gaining weight, Hermione.' 'I hate your attitude.' 'I hate you.' 'I regret having you.' 'And you never even try to make me happy.' But I do try. I've tried and worked so hard- not for me, for them, for her- just so they wouldn't lock me in my room... I would much rather be in Harry's position. Maybe it is hard to know that there were people who cared, and there wasn't any way you could ever seen them. Maybe it's harder knowing that the people who were supposed to love you never cared in the first place. I don't know... Maybe I'm just an idiot like they say...

Hermione

The bell rang and Hermione piled all of her books into her bag and ran off to potions. There goes my lunch hour, she thought. I'll be better off without it anyway... Then maybe Mum won't call me fat...

When she got to the classroom she realized she was late. There was only one seat left, and surprisingly, Malfoy was sitting alone- not with the Slytherin slut of the week. Snape made a sharp movement for her to sit down next to Malfoy. She sighed and sat down amidst all the snickers coming from the Slytherins. Malfoy rolled his eyes and scooted his chair away, and Hermione was only willing to do the same.

Potions passed by with no explosions for once (Neville was in the hospital wing), and as the bell rang for them to leave, Hermione grabbed her bag and it split. An estrangled cry fell from her lips. So many things had happened to her today, and now her bag had to fall apart in front of Malfoy… She choked back tears as she hurried to pick up her things. Malfoy discreetly leaned over to pick something up off the floor.

"What's this, Granger?" He said with a sneer. Hermione looked up and her eyes widened.

"Don't... give it back... please, Malfoy," she pleaded.

He casually flipped through her treasured book. "A diary, eh? Might be something for me to hold on to…" he tossed the worn book into his bag and shot her a sinister smile before strutting out of the room.

Hermione's chest tightened. All of the things that had happened to her lately were in that diary. All of her darkest fears, her deepest emotions... they were all in there. Malfoy would be able to play her any way he wanted. She fell onto the floor from her chair and banged her head against the side of the desk. Life was getting so damn hard. She balled her small hand into a tight fist as a single tear slowly escaped out of her sharp brown eyes.

Snape suddenly strode into the room. "Miss Granger! What are you still doing here? 10 points from Gryffindor and if you aren't out of here in 30 seconds I shall see the headmaster about your excessive insolence!"

Hermione hastily gathered her things and dashed out of the room and headed onto Herbology. She was going to be late again. She was almost all of the way out of the school when she stopped and turned back, running to the common room. She had so much frustration pent up inside her. If it didn't find it's way out she would burst out crying or something in the middle of dissecting a Revarthacuto Plant. That had already happened in the middle of transfigurations once. People probably thought that she had been so upset because her pillow didn't turn into a proper cat.

Geez, was she THAT concerned with the stupid cat? No.

Hermione ran into the common room and dashed up the stairs two at a time to the girls' dormitory. She crept open the door and was surprised to see someone else sitting in the middle of the floor, crying. Hermione walked forward to see that the girl was Parvati Patil. "Parvati? What-?"

Parvati turned sharply and gasped as she saw Hermione standing in the doorway. "Don't you come any closer!" she said, her voice sharp, yet quavering. Hermione saw that she was shaking all over.

"What's wrong, Parvati? You can tell me."

"No- just- leave me alone!"

Hermione caught a glimpse of what was in Parvati's hand. A razor. "What are you doing?" she asked, motioning at the razor.

Parvati glanced down, and her eyes glossed over. "I might as well tell you. It's not like you'd tell anyone. At least- not until they find me."

"Were you going to..."

"Kill myself?" Parvati chuckled. "Right again, as always..."

"Why?"

"I'm tired. I can't live anymore like this."

"What happened to you?"

"Well, for one thing, no one's ever known me... do you think anyone really cares about what Parvati Patil does? I'm a constant shadow in everyone else's life. Second, my boyfriend broke up with me."

"Those don't seem like valid reasons to kill yourself." Hermione slowly moved closer to her, and put a hand on her shoulder.

"You don't know the rest... My boyfriend- he went to Beauxbatons- broke up with me this morning. The last owl I sent told him that- that I- was... pregnant." She collapsed into Hermione's arms. "And there isn't anything I can do about it... there isn't a possible way to have a completely safe abortion. And I- I- I thought- I thought he-" Her voice cracked, and she began to shake with her sobs. Hermione nervously patted her head and eased the razor out of her hand.  
"It hurts when they say they love you."

"I know."

"I wish we could have been better friends. You know, you're lucky. You've got the perfect life: perfect grades, great friends..." she sighed and stood up, then walked sulkily out the door.

Hermione stared blankly at her reflection in the mirror.

"God... she has no clue," Hermione said out loud. It was so easy for her to pretend like nothing was wrong, after all- she had done it for years in front of these people. They never suspected a thing... She scoffed. I'd be a damn good actress, she thought.

She stared intently at the razor she had taken from Parvati.

She put the razor up to the light and inspected it. It had been done before. It would only take a small cut... She wiped the razor off on her sleeve and turned it so the light bounced off.

Hermione gently held the razor up to the flaw free skin on her lower arm and pressed gently. She drew in a sharp breath of air as she saw the droplet of blood form on her skin and slide down to her wrist. All the tension she had been feeling released and she felt instantly calm. She took in a deep breath of air then tensed up. Her heart now pounded in her chest. What if someone saw? They would think I'm... shallow, for what they see... for what they know... She grabbed a piece of toilet paper from the washroom and wrapped it around the wound.

She looked at the blood seeping through the paper, and an amazing thought struck her…

I am in control. I did this.

But… people would see it. Eventually. They would think she was doing it for attention. They would think that since she was Harry's friend, she would be jealous for the extra attention.

People are stupid. They see what they can't figure out, and they assume.

She squeezed her eyes shut, and anger surged through her.

No one knows me.

No one.

Thank you for reading! This is all typed up on my computer, and again- this was written a long time ago, before the past few books... So. I'm rewriting all of it, and it shouldn't take long!

Reviews are very much appreciated!

Stevie


	2. True Colors

To reviewers: Thanks for all of the positive comments! Oh, I did know that my title is from a Linkin Park song- it was what I was listening to the very first time I wrote this (around four years ago). I'm completely rewriting it though, so no worries… it's tons better than it used to be.

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Fear is How I Fall

Chapter 2 - True Colors

Hermione sulked back up to the common room. She wasn't in the mood to see her friends. Or were they her friends? She couldn't really tell... Oh well. This hellhole would be done with her in a year, if she could tough it out...

The next day (Saturday)

Harry and Ron were sitting at the table eating their breakfast when Hermione walked in and cautiously sat down. "Hey," Ron said.

"Oh, hi."

"Is that all I get from my girl?" He tried to wrap his arm around her waist, but she indignantly shoved him away.

"Oh, and now I'm suddenly "your girl"?"

"You've always been my girl, 'Mione! Now where's my good morning kiss?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Really. Well now, that's just fascinating. Did it ever occur to you to be considerate towards 'your girl' when she feels like crap? Am I REALLY 'your girl?'"

"Well then, whose girl are you if you aren't mine?"

"I don't know…" she sighed. "I don't know about hardly anything anymore."

"Of course you don't. Now, eat your muffin and be nice."

"Why should I, Ron?"

"Well, because it's important to you."

"Don't you try to tell me what I value!"

Ron smiled and shook his head. "You don't know what you value! Your strong suits are memorizing ingredients in potions recipes, not morals… for heaven's sake, Hermione… I do know the underside of your robe rather well… Come on, be a sweet girl for me?"

Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously. "Ron, you are dangerously treading on thin ice. You've done this too many times lately for me to be sweet to you."

"You're warning me?"

"About treating me like I'm a child!"

"You aren't a child, Hermione! God, calm down!"

"This is what I'm talking about!" She yelled, wildly throwing her hands in the air. "You have got to stop doing this! I'm a person, too, and I DON'T need to CALM DOWN!"

Ron raised an eyebrow. "Of course I know you're a person."

"Then why- UGH! Ron, I don't even care about it anymore!"

"What are you trying to say!" He yelled in response, not noticing how quiet the entire dining hall had gone.

"Maybe I'm trying to say that I don't want you to control me anymore!"

"I don't control you at all! Now, you listen to me-"

"SHUT UP RON! I don't give a fuck what you want me to do. Just leave me alone!" She stood up angrily from the table. "Oh, and in case you were wondering? We're through. And I'm NOT going to be your girl. EVER." She sharply turned and stomped out of the dining hall.

Hermione didn't think- she just ran to the nearest empty classroom. She couldn't think about what she had done. After all that had ever gone on with her life outside of school, Ron was the only thing she could ever count on to really be there, and no matter how sucky of a boyfriend he was… at least he was there. And now, she had gotten rid of him...

She found a classroom and ducked into it, sure that no one had seen her. She wasn't in the mood to be interrupted. She crawled underneath a desk and let tears fall freely down her cheeks.

She cried for a few minutes and then stopped, gloomily looking at her sliced wrist. Her cheeks were flaky from where she wiped her tears away. She started to rub them to get them to feel normal again when she heard footsteps outside the door.

Her eyes squeezed shut. Maybe if she was quiet they would go away.

No. The anonymous person slowly turned the doorknob and walked in. "Is anyone in here?" He asked.

Hermione would know that voice anywhere, after hearing it taunt her for the last six years of her life. "What are you doing here?" She asked coldly, firmly staying where she was.

Malfoy walked over to her and crouched down. "I wanted to return this." He extended his hand with her journal in it. "I didn't read much. Just… enough." He dropped the book on the ground and looked her straight in the eyes. "See you around, Granger," he said grimly before standing up and heading out the door.

Hermione sighed. The worst part was over... at least she had it back. But... how much had he read? What did he mean by 'just enough?' Why didn't he read the whole thing? She straightened herself up and walked out of the room. She headed up to her dormitory and lied down on her mattress. She needed a nap. A long nap. Maybe if she slept long enough, she would stay asleep forever and wouldn't have to deal with all of the shit she was shoved into.

She was utterly exhausted, but now that she was here, she couldn't sleep.

Every time she closed her eyes, Malfoy's piercing blue eyes opened.

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Thank you! Please read and review, and let me know what you think.

-Stevie


	3. The Flicker in his eyes

Fear is How I Fall

Chapter 3: The flicker in his eyes

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Hermione sat in silence after he left. For the past few years, that journal had been one of the only things that had kept her alive. Ron was the other. If she hadn't had Ron, she probably wouldn't have lasted as long as she did. But now Ron was gone, and her Diary was scarred by eyes other than her own- and worse, they were his eyes. Malfoy. Jackass.

Hermione stood up from the floor and stretched. She stared at the clock on the wall as her stomach gave a funny jolt. She had been sitting on that spot on the floor for over an hour. Her legs were cramping, so she decided to walk to- where else? The library. She stared at her feet as they shuffled along the floor.

She looked up at the ornate doors that led to the library and shoved them open. She made her way over to her table and picked up a random book, determined to lose herself in the pages of someone's life that wasn't her own.

She read for a long while, unaware of a bright pair of eyes watching her every movement.

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Ron moved among the bookshelves stealthily, peering out between the books at Hermione. He had come here for his History of Magic essay, but now he was fixed on Hermione.

His face was contorted in fury and frustration as he glared at her. I don't control her. I love her. She can't just just let me go like this- I've always BEEN there for her! His thoughts ran through his mind as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

Ron had grown up being picked on and taken advantage of by his older brothers. He was never the big guy, the one everyone looked up to. He was always Ron, everyone's kid brother. When Hermione came along… he realized that he was more than that. He was a part of her life.

He never had imagined that Hermione would leave him… he always expected her to be there. She had seemed too… too soft, when you got past the books and the studying... At least, that's what he thought. He thought she needed someone to take care of her. He wanted to be her hero- he wanted to be the star for once in his life.

There has to be some other reason, he thought. I'm perfect for her. She couldn't leave ME… I was everything for her! He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

I will find out what's going on, he resolved. She won't go like this.

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When Hermione had finally left the great hall earlier that morning, she had left him open mouthed and bewildered. He had called out for her to come back, but she hadn't turned around. Minutes later, he had seen Malfoy casually stand up and walk out. Ron's curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he decided to follow. Discreetly, he had watched Malfoy lose his casual pose and run after her. He had watched him enter into an abandoned classroom after Hermione.

Ron's mind immediately became suspicious. The little whore. How could she? They had probably been meeting all over the castle, just to spite him. Then and there, Ron decided that she would have to pay for cavorting with that bastard…

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Hermione read for hours, unaware that Ron was thinking these things about her, and unaware that he was so close. She flipped the page of a particularly interesting book when her stomach growled. It had been quite a while since she walked out on Ron. It was probably about time she should eat lunch, so she stood up and carefully placed the book in its proper place on the shelf.

She walked out of the library with that ever famous feeling of being watched from behind. She slowly turned around with a slight frown on her face. She looked around, her eyes slowly scanning the deserted library. No one was there- or at least, so she thought.

She turned around again, unsure. She had learned during her years at Hogwarts that a feeling of unease from an unknown source was never- NEVER- a good thing. She walked briskly toward the Great Hall, eager to get away from whatever it was.

As she approached the huge dining hall, her pace slowed. She hesitated as she touched the doorframe of the Hall and turned around. She drew in a sharp breath of air as she saw Ron at the top of the stairs. "Ron! What are you doing?" She asked furiously.

He snorted. "Well, for one thing, I'm beating myself up about not paying enough attention to you."

She rolled her eyes. "Please, Ron. You aren't going to get me back that easily."

"Who said I wanted you back?" He rolled his eyes. "Please. I should have known… "

"What are you talking about?" Fire shined in her eyes. "I never did anything to wrong you."

"You lied to me."

"I never lied to you."

"Oh, yes you did. Running around with that little piece of scum, Malfoy… I saw him running after you after you ran out on me."

"Ron-"

"Don't say anything. Hermione, you left me for… for **that** bastard? Come on. Even you could have done better."

"But Ron, I didn't-"

"Hermione, I can pull more brain cells out from under my fingernails than that guy's got in his whole head. Now… I understand. I should have just-"

"No, Ron, you DON'T understand. I did NOT break up with you for- for- for Malfoy! I broke up with you because you're an insensitive jerk!"

Ron looked as if he had been slapped. The coldness that had been in his eyes had evaporated, and what remained was a look of desolation. He looked like a lost puppy that had been wandering around for ages- and now that he realized why, he felt like he had been thrown against the wall.

"And you're damn right you should have paid more attention to me! Maybe if you had, I wouldn't HATE you!"

The defeated look on Ron's face almost made her want to soften up, but she just couldn't forget how cold he had been to her when she needed him the most. She wouldn't ever be able to forgive him. Without hesitation, she straightened up and walked into the Hall with her head held high.

She glanced around at the other students eating their lunch. Many looked up, but were afraid to hold her gaze for fear of her exploding at them like she had at Ron. She was walking towards her seat at the Gryffindor table when she shifted her gaze towards the Slytherin table. Her eyes locked with Malfoy's for a brief second or two, and his hard, cold stare flickered and she saw something flash in his eyes.

She recognized the look. He had only flashed his emotion for not even a half second, but Hermione could tell exactly what the look was. It was the look that she herself had seen every single time she had looked at herself in a mirror.

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She quickly ate her lunch and casually watched him out of the corner of her eye. She watched him until he stood and walked out of the hallway. Quickly, she grabbed a piece of parchment and scrawled a note.

Meet me at 10:00 in the East corridor on the fourth floor.

She stood and hurriedly walked out to catch up with him. Hermione tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around. He didn't let his guard down this time, and the fixed, emotionless gaze bored through her as she handed him the note. "I need to talk to you," She said quickly, and dashed away before she could see his reaction.

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So… hope you guys liked it! More to come soon, pleasereview! I adore feedback-

-Stevie


	4. The Meeting

Alright, I did notice what Demonwitch666 said about the settings in the end of chapter 2 and the beginning of chapter 3- oops! My bad. Sorry guys… but you'll have to deal with it until I really get around to fixing it… which may be never… :laughs: Anyway. I loved writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!

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Fear is How I Fall

Chapter 4: The Meeting

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After Hermione had dashed away, she had ran into the bathroom. Great job, she told herself. He's royally fucked up everything in your life- and now you want to see him. God, what is WRONG with me? She sighed and glanced at herself in the mirror. Was this normal, or was she just the loser she thought she was?

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Draco Malfoy lazily sauntered up to his room. He sighed. That damn Granger girl... what the hell does she think she's playing at? I read the damn thing, and what do I get? Nothing. Not even a laugh at it. Not after I know how much shit it is to go through your life feeling like you've lost the people you most care about- and the people who are supposed to care about you more than anything. It could qualify for the shittiest feeling in the world…

Draco entered the Slytherin common room and relaxed against the black leather sofa. Slowly he drifted off to sleep.

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-Later-  
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Hermione nervously checked her watch. It was 10:18 already and he was nowhere to be seen. She didn't even know why she had asked him to come. She couldn't stand him- yet there was something in his eyes that she recognized. The feeling of being lost… lost in a world where everyone expects you to be so sure of yourself.

She walked around and nervously fell into a chair. He wasn't going to come, she told herself. She started picking at her fingernails and slowly started expecting her wrist. It was extremely pale. Not as pale as Malfoy, but still pale.

She glanced at her watch again. 10:24. She sighed and finally made up her mind that he wasn't coming. She kept prodding the pale-ness of her arm when her robes slid, causing her whole forearm to show. The crisp castle air felt nice on her bared skin, but then she turned her hand palm up and took a deep breath. It was there.

The mark still was there. She had always healed fast, and she had cut herself yesterday. It should have been gone by now, but no- it was still there. Before, she had always wanted to heal herself. Now she didn't care… and the mark hadn't gone away.

"What are you doing?" Said a cold voice from the shadows of the hallway.

"So you finally decided to show up," She said as she hurried to cover herself up. He didn't need to see her cut. Like he would care… but still. He didn't need to know.

"I asked you what you were doing."

"I know what you asked me."

They stood in silence, their shadowy figures looking haunting in the light from the candle she had placed on the table.

"You're so incredibly dense, Granger."

"How so, Mr. Malfoy?"

He looked intently into her eyes, his own eyes filled with an odd, disbelieving emotion that Hermione couldn't quite make out.

"You think you're alone."

"You don't know what I think."

"I think I do."

"No you don't."

"I read it. I read the whole damn thing. Cover to cover. I know what you think. And you're stupid if you think you're alone in the world. We all have problems. Some are worse than others. You don't even have the hard load."

"And I suppose you do."

"We're not talking about me."

"Now we are."

"No, we aren't!" He said, the anger showing in his eyes.

"Why'd I even ask you here in the first place?" She yelled.

He suddenly moved closer to her so she was up against the wall. "You asked me here because you're lonely. You're lonely, and you need someone who you can actually talk to without getting shot down."

She could feel his breath on her… He was so close.

"You don't know me, Malfoy."

"You really think I don't know you? I know everything about you, Granger. And you think that you're the only one getting hurt. Let me tell you one thing though- we all get hurt. Everyone who goes through what you have to go through is hurt, every single fucking day."

Anger and frustration flashed through her eyes.

"How the hell would you know? You're Mr. Perfect- always having care packages sent from home, all the money you have, you're just-"

He slapped her. Hard. So hard she wobbled sideways and fell to the floor. "I'm just what? I'm a human being, despite what you may think. I'm alive just like you- and the shit that waits for me at home is ten times worse than what your mother does to you."

She pushed herself up on one arm and felt her cheek, causing the sleeve of her robe to fall. He saw the wound even before she could cover it up. He grabbed her arm and looked at the cut, a surprised look forming on his face. "You..."

Her face fell. "You don't have to tell me."

His eyes looked straight into hers. He took a harder hold on her arm and pulled her up so she was standing. She leaned against the wall as a tear formed in her eye.

They were standing close- their faces not five inches apart. Malfoy was torn between his feelings. The part that he had grown up with told him that he should leave her here- that it was her own fault. She was only a fucking mudblood. Who really cared?

But then the other part of his emotions... the part that he had come to believe from hours of torture from his father, was that she was hurt- deeply wounded inside. Marks from being beaten could be magicked away, but the wounds inside would still live on... forever.

His mind raced between the two options, trying to make a decision on what he should say, when she put her hands on his head and pulled him forward.

She kissed him like she had never kissed anyone before. For three years she had been with Ron, but nothing had ever felt so... real before.

He was startled at first, but then he realized that this was the easiest decision he could have made, and he fell into the kiss. Nothing had ever felt so good before... until he realized that if his father found out... He sharply pulled away and stared at her with a look of hopelessness in his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, and when he opened them again, he was the same emotionless Draco Malfoy that Hermione had come to know.

"You're only hurting yourself," he said icily. "I don't need your problems." He turned and walked away from her, leaving her slumped against the wall from his last comment.

As he walked down the hall, he hated himself for what he had done. It was the only way for both of us, he reminded himself. If word got out that he, Draco Malfoy, was ever with a filthy mudblood... It was an excellent possibility that she would be killed. And he... he would be kept alive to endure the worst kind of torture... Sometimes he thought it would be better to die...


	5. The Aftershock

Okay, in the last version of this, this was spread out into chapters 5, 6, and 7- but I decided that the breaks weren't good enough, so I shoved them all together. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please read and review!

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Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 5:

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"You're only hurting yourself," he said icily. "I don't need your problems." He turned and walked away from her, leaving her slumped against the wall from his last comment.

As he walked down the hall, he hated himself for what he had done to her. It was the only way for both of us, he reminded himself. If word got out that he, Draco Malfoy, was ever with a filthy mudblood... It was an excellent possibility that she would be killed. And he... he would be kept alive to endure the worst kind of torture... Sometimes he thought it would be better to die...

Hermione slid down from where she had been standing. She slumped down and put her face in her hands. She felt tears start to form, but she made herself will them away. She was too strong to cry over a guy... especially him. She cleared her throat and looked around the empty classroom.

Everything seemed perfect. The chairs were all neatly pushed in under the tables, and the blackboard was extremely clean- there wasn't a single mark on it. She doubted that this room had ever been used before.

Suddenly a surge of anger overwhelmed her. If everything was so damn perfect, why did she have to be the one to fall apart? She had been perfect for many years- at least, in her mother's eyes. Her mother always had to have everything perfect. When Hermione had gone home, her hair was straightened every single day. She was fairly skinny, too. In her mother's home, she was perfect, and she would stay that way. Anything less than exactly perfect would be unaccepted and she would be punished.

She tried to choke back sobs, but eventually gave in and began crying. "Why does he think he knows how I feel?" She stood up and glanced around. Suddenly she kicked a chair. It toppled over and Hermione blinked. Then, with a push, she knocked over a table.

She stood there in silence until she heard a soft noise come from the doorway. She looked up sharply and saw two cat-like eyes watching her. She stood very still until she heard another different voice. "What do we have here, Mrs. Norris?" Filch said, approaching the doorway.

Hermione quickly blew out her candle and crouched down low. Filch entered the room and looked around the darkness. He moved carefully around the tables until he was extremely close to Hermione. She slowly inched her way away from him and made her way towards the door.

As soon as she reached the door she turned and ran down the hallway. "Hey! Get back here!" Filch yelled angrily. He started to chase her, but old age crept up on him and he was forced to quit. Wheezing, he sighed and decided to stop chasing her.

Hermione ran until she was sure he had stopped. She heard a stair creak and started running again, just to be sake. A few seconds later, she glanced behind her back, but in the meantime she collided with someone. She fell backwards and hit her head on the wall. "Ow..." She said slowly.

"What, did you hurt yourself?" The certain someone said icily.

Hermione looked up. "Harry? What are you doing down here?"

"I think the question is what you're doing down here, Hermione."

"Harry, what IS it?"

"What's what?"

"Why do you keep on... DOING this?" When he didn't answer, she stomped her foot and sharply cried, "Why do you suddenly seem to... hate me?"

"Think about it, Mione."

"What..."

"It's about Ron! Do you realize what you've done to him? He's like the brother I never had! He loved you so much, Mione- he just couldn't tell you... and then you start hanging out with- MALFOY!" His green eyes were alive with fury. "You know what Malfoy's done to him, me... AND YOU!"

"Harry, you don't understand-"

"WHAT exactly don't I understand?"

"Malfoy isn't-"

"He isn't what? Nice? Caring? Compassionate? No, I think I understand he's not any of that!"

"STOP!" Hermione yelled. "Stop interrupting every single thing I say!" There was a determined look on her face. "Ever since I left Ron, no one's been giving me a chance- you have no IDEA why I do things this way, and even if I AM going with Malfoy, it isn't any of your damn business!"

"Are you?"

"NO! And if Ron's crying to you about it... whatever it is- tell him- from me- to suck it up- and DEAL!" She shouted at him, then turned around and ran down the corridor to the common room.

---

Draco stalked up to the Slytherin common room, his thoughts filled of her. He hated how much his feelings tore him apart. He had to always take everything from the inside- he was so self conscious... he knew people were always watching him, waiting to see how he measured up with his father.

He knew that his mind caused him the most damage- his thoughts always carried him away. 'Would father approve?' was one that never left him... if there was a slight chance that his father wouldn't approve, he wouldn't dare. There were people who reported everything Draco did to his father.

If he ever did anything that didn't measure up to what his father wanted, he would be taunted for days, lectured for hours… beaten mercilessly if the action was too undesirable… like her... Granger. Her family would taunt, yell, and jeer if she wasn't perfect. God, he knew how that felt. It was awful... they would taunt mercilessly until you eventually thought everything was entirely your fault.

In some ways, Draco thought Hermione had it easy compared to him. He had to go through all of it... and then some. His father would beat him, curse him...

He shook his head. This was no time to dwell. He glanced up and then realized he had walked by the entrance to the common room three times. He scratched his head, thinking of the password. "Er... uh- petrificus."

He watched as the cold stone wall moved aside to reveal the cold, dank Slytherin common room. He walked in, thankful that it was almost empty. Except… there was a single girl waiting on the black leather couch in front of the fire.

Hearing the noise of the wall opening, she turned her head. Seeing it was Draco, she eased herself up off the couch and walked towards him.

Shit. It was Pansy- the very last person he wanted to see right now. He tried to act like he hadn't seen her and he hurried towards the stairs for the boys' dormitories. Just as he got there, she shouted for him.

"Draco!"

He halted midstep. Great... now he would have to listen to her whine. He furrowed his brow, irritated, then said, "Hi, Pansy."

"Draco, you were supposed to meet me tonight."

"I was?"

"Yes, you were."

"I was busy."

"You... you were with some other girl, I knew it!" She shrieked.

He rolled his eyes. "Big deal if I was."

"But... you love ME!"

"This is really getting old... I don't love you, Pansy- you just never happen to leave me alone!"

She kept whimpering, but he continued.

"You and I were never together!"

Her facial expression suddenly hardened. "You..." She looked straight into his eyes. "Leave me be! If you don't love me why do you lead me on! Go AWAY!" She picked up the nearest object (which happened to be a book) and chucked it at his head.

He ducked in time and gave her a slow look of disgust, shaking his head. He then turned and walked up the stairs, not caring what happened to her. He opened the door and strode towards his bed, which he immediately sank into.

He didn't think of anything, he just drifted into a deep sleep.

---

Hermione walked into the great hall the next day at breakfast with a fixed gaze on her face. She sat down by Parvati and Lavender, unwilling to look either Ron or Harry in the face.

She was halfway through eating her eggs when she felt a pair of eyes on her. Startled, she looked up and around. Her eyes landed on the Slytherin table where she saw him. His eyes stared into hers for a brief second, but then she looked away. She didn't like him... a kiss was nothing.

---

Monday morning

---

Hermione glanced at the alarm clock next to her bed. 5:04. "Too early..." she mumbled and shoved her face into her pillow, making an attempt to go back to sleep. Ten minutes later she realized that she would not be going back to sleep, and so she clumsily sat up, pulled on her robes and ran a brush through her tangled hair.

She walked down to the great hall, unsurprised to see she was the first one there. She sat down at the Gryffindor table and started to pick at her food. A quick look at her watch told her that it was almost six. She sighed and made a move to leave for the common room when she saw Professor McGonagall enter through the giant doorway.

McGonagall only gave Hermione a slightly curious look, then passed her by.

Hermione proceeded to walk out of the hall towards Gryffindor tower. She shuffled along slowly until her head jerked up, remembering something. "My essay isn't done..." She thought about it, her mind having registered it as unimportant. Still, her conscience was nagging at her to do it.

"But why?" She thought out loud. She had already made her mother mad because of her last test score- what would any more matter?

Because when you leave her house you'll need to know it, she thought. You will make it on your own, without her… This won't last long…

She sighed and proceeded up to her common room, suddenly determined to do her essay. Not for her mom- for her.

---

An hour later

---

Hermione proudly checked her essay for errors. This was the first thing she had done on her own- not because her mother had scared her into doing it.

Many people (mostly sixth years) had come down to the common room to see Hermione working and were extremely puzzled. They were extremely used to seeing her work, but they had adjusted to seeing her slack off over the past two months.

Hermione stuffed the essay into her charms book and continued to walk down to the great hall, a small, triumphant smile on her face.

It's rather… odd, she thought. Ever since Malfoy had met her Saturday night, she was feeling better. Better about life, more hopeful… It was a feeling she hadn't felt in so long, that she had forgotten how it felt… She shook her head. It was silly for her to even think that MALFOY had caused such a change in her… but she couldn't figure out how else she could have changed so quickly…

She shook her head again. He wasn't it. He could never be it. Then and there, Hermione decided that she would forget their meeting. It never happened… It was for the best.

She walked into the Great Hall and sat down besides Parvati and Lavender. They were surprised to see her there again- she had sat by them yesterday, but they were used to her sitting by them once a in a while, never twice in a row.

"Er- hey, Hermione!" Lavender said cheerfully with a confused look on her face.

"Hi," Hermione said, spreading jam over her toast.

"Hey- can we ask you a question?" Parvati asked.

"Sure."

"Are you and Ron and Harry fighting?"

"Isn't the answer to that obvious?"

"Well, yes- but I wanted to hear it straight from you. You can't really trust rumors, you know."

"True."

"Yeah- you don't really know who to trust after a while."

"I know the feeling."

Lavender and Parvati nodded their heads, not really knowing what to reply.

Hermione shoved the last bit of toast into her mouth. "Well, although this has been fun, I'm going to head down to potions- see you." She grabbed her bag and hurried off, leaving Parvati and Lavender slightly more confused than when she had found them.

---

Hermione walked into potions and sat down at her usual desk- eager, for once- for class to start. She had arrived before everyone- even Snape. She watched as he walked in. She watched him give her a disdainful look and start shuffling his papers.

She smirked a bit; he was obviously wondering why she was acting like she used to. He was going to be very surprised when she turned in her essay about lunar stones. It was the best she had done for about three months. She knew her grades wouldn't be the same- she wouldn't be the top of her grade this year, even if she was perfect on everything. But... who the hell cared?

Her parents. She snorted. Freaking emotionally abusive dentists. They had always encouraged her to be her best... If not healthy encouragement, it was angry, and hurtful… It was easy for Hermione to be the best- until she had started to not be the best at everything. She would never forget the day when her mother got that scary look on her face, threatening to do things to her, threatening to stop loving her... if she didn't win...

Tears welled up in her eyes, causing Professor Snape to give her another disgusted look. She blinked them away and waited for the bell to ring.

---

Everyone sat in silence as they watched Professor Snape shuffle some papers on his desk, find one, and then walk up to the front of the room.

"I would like to thank... er- most of you... for turning in your essay. To everyone else..." He grinned maliciously and waved his wand on the board. "Each set of partners will have a different potion to research and report on by Monday, next week. I will let you all go to the library for the duration of this class period, trusting you all won't ditch the class altogether." He smirked. "The ones who do decide to ditch this class though... I trust you will not be surprised if your face rearranges itself."

He tapped his wand against the blackboard and writing spilled out onto it. As Snape watched, he double checked the paper with the board, changing some pairings as he went along. He changed Weasley/Potter to Weasley/Parkinson and Potter/Longbottom- much to the dismay of Ron. Hermione gave an inside laugh- she knew how much Pansy irritated him.

She looked away from Ron and to the blackboard just as Snape changed Granger/Patil to Granger/Malfoy and Patil/Brown. Her heart sank. She had decided to get over him... now they had to spend time together?

She raised her hand into the air. "Um... Professor?"

Snape turned around, obviously irritated. "What?"

"Can we... switch partners?"

"No."

"But... why?"

"Miss Granger, if you do not want Malfoy as a partner, you can opt out of the assignment and receive a zero for this two hundred point project."

She shut her mouth and slid down in her seat. She sighed and glanced over at him. He had a fixed emotion on his face- she couldn't tell exactly what... He turned and looked at her, then looked away- which frustrated her even more.

"Now- If we don't have any more idiotic questions, you are dismissed to the library to work on your project."

Everyone scrambled to gather their books up and head to the library. "I don't know why you wouldn't want to be with me on this one."

She turned sharply to see him standing right behind her. "Malfoy, I- what you- did..."

"Go on."

"It HURT, dammit!" She yelled. Everyone else had hurried along to get to the library, leaving the odd couple alone in the long, empty hallway.

"Look, I told you- I don't need your problems."

"But you didn't need to do that! If I kissed you and then basically told you to leave me the fuck alone, wouldn't you be pissed too!"

"You did kiss me. That was not my fault."

"I didn't really MEAN to do that- but that doesn't change the fact that you kissed me back, and then you-"

"I DIDN'T WANT TO!"

"But then- wait, what?"

"Look, Hermione- If I could have my way, I would still be kissing you."

She was silent. Was this the tough, slick criminal that she had grown up hating? Was he really… just hurt as deep as she was? The look in her eyes was somewhat blank. She had no idea what to think of him, or how to feel.

"You just... don't get it! It's about... if anyone knew, you could die."

"I wouldn't die."

"My father would gladly kill you with his bare hands, and then I'd get it, too... Do you even REALIZE what a crime it is to love a muggleborn?"

She inwardly let it go. Who cared what she used to think… who cared that she had once punched him in the face… Nothing mattered anymore… Her emotions were putty in his hands… until she wrapped her mind around what everything was. She was now angry, mad that he would tell her these things- if nothing could ever happen.

"I don't see what the big deal is- your daddy doesn't have to KNOW!"

"It's too hard to keep anything from him! He'd find out, Hermione, and then you'd be dead. I just... don't want to talk about it."

"Fine! I don't either!"

"Good, then."

"I said I was FINE!"

"FINE!"

The two stomped off to the library rather quickly, as if wanting to beat the other to the door.

They both walked into the library, each unwilling to look at the other. Inside, they were both fuming. Why couldn't the other just understand! They both sat down at a table and, without any communication, started writing furious notes separately. When the bell rang, they were both glad to go.

---

Hermione was walking down the hall to lunch when Ron ran up next to her. She glanced at him, then continued walking.

"Look, Hermione- you can't not talk to me for the rest of your life."

"Watch me."

"But... hey- don't... but, er, um- I'm... uh..."

"Spit it out."

"Listen Hermione, I'm sorry for acting like a jerk to you about Malfoy."

She stopped. "I'm listening."

"And I wanted you to know that... If you do go with... him, it'll be alright with me because... God, Hermione! You've been my girl for years- I just want you to be happy."

She squinted her eyes up at him, as if she was trying to see if he was lying or not. Suddenly she threw her hands up in exasperation. "Ronald Weasley, what AM I going to do with you!" She exclaimed, her expression one of disbelief- yet, she wasn't angry.

"Am I forgiven for being a jackass?"

"Don't push your luck, Ron."

He stopped, and then shrugged. "Better than nothing."

---

Thank you for reading!

I really do appreciate all of the comments I've gotten, but I'm going to be snotty and not update unless I get more… Teehee, I totally have the right to do that as the author… I love you though… dear reviewers… lol. I'm getting silly. Maybe it's time for me to go to sleep now.

Again- Please review!


	6. Restless Nights

To all my reviewers: I love you SOO much! Thank you for your support and feedback!

---

Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 6: A Restless Night, Part 1

---

It would be so much easier... if I was an ignorant child like some of the other Slytherins. They go by, day to day... focused on things that aren't important. Lord Voldemort? Whatever. I canhardly believe that was me a few weeks ago... only caring for myself and my stupid ambitions… That was all before that damned diary. I had to pick it up, didn't I? And I had to read it, too...

Draco shook his head. Before I read that book... I thought she was just an ordinary muggleborn witch... For some reason, I can't even begin to put what I feel into words… Something just clicked, didn't it? I'm not the only person who grew up in a broken home.

I wonder where my heart went all those years... It seems so much colder now... I'm just trapped. I can't love her.

I can't take away all of her pain. If I did... my actions would result in her being murdered, no doubt. And I'm hurting her now, to save her... She doesn't understand. It's ridiculous... All these years I've tormented her... and now... I just seem so... infatuated.

He snorted. If father could only see me now. He imagined the kind of torture his father would put him through if he ever found out, and he involuntarily shuddered.

Draco rolled over in his bed and stared at the clock. He had been lying awake for hours, his thoughts preventing him from sleeping. Like he wanted to go to bed anyways... there was no telling what kind of twisted dreams he could have at this point.

He sat up in bed and rubbed his temples. It was useless... The Easter holidays were closely approaching. He would return home, and his father would become suspicious if there was any slip. Then he would find out… That was yet another reason why he couldn't love her- his father was a powerful wizard. Draco had lived through his Cruciatus curses, but there were things thatwere more horrifying...

He knew his screams could be heard through the entire mansion, and yet no one ever came to help him... He had always thought his mother would save him... He had trusted her, at least. Anyways, what good was trust? It would just stab you in the back...

And without trust there is no love.

He rolled his eyes as he slid out of his bed and pulled on a robe. Why did he think he had all this love stuff down? He had never loved anyone. He had always been taught how to discriminate, how to ruthlessly hate those who were below him.

"Love..." He whispered the unfamiliar word, wondering what he was getting himself into.

The word sounded strange on his tongue. He knew his thoughts classified him as weak... but no one knew enough to even guess about him and Hermione.

...Or did they?

He didn't know. He almost couldn't say that he didn't care, either. No one could know... So he wouldn't even acknowledge her... past schoolwork. She wasn't going to be hurt on his account... he would make sure of it.

---  
Okay, I realize that this was a really short chapter- but this section is good with three breaks and this is the first break… the more reviews I get, the quicker I'll post another chapter (this is called incentive, so you'll refer all your fanfic reading friends to this story as well)!

So… Just push that little purple button down there and give a little input- you have NO clue how much it's appreciated!

-Stevie


	7. Restless Nights, part 2

---

Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 7: Restless Nights, part 2

---

She twisted and turned in her bed. There had to be some way to get to sleep... If only he hadn't said that she would die... if they were together… That had always been her worst fear, death... It startled her that he might be telling the truth. It was too... farfetched for her to believe, and yet... she had always known his father was vicious. But... vicious enough to kill her?

It seemed like she had been screaming, all of this time... screaming for someone to help her... She had been crying out for help, and look who had come. He was the most unusual person to save her... The little ferret boy who had tormented her, who had mercilessly teased and tortured her until she broke, like a doll...

It amazed her how much control he had. He had the ability to push her buttons to no end, and yet he somehow had the talent to make her forgive him, and cry that they couldn't just be...

But... did she really want that? Did she really want him to love her? To love and be loved in return... that had been something she had long forgotten.

"Love..."

Something she never gave freely... only to people who fiercely deserved it in her mind. Harry, Ron... She loved them both terribly, and when she needed them the most, they had ignored her. But Draco... could he love? Was it even… possible? It was the most ridiculous thing to her logical mind…

She knew it was crazy. She knew SHE was crazy for even giving it a chance in her mind.

Why does this have to be so damn hard? She blinked back tears…

Because no one said love was easy.

She finally decided that she wasn't getting to sleep, and she slid out of her bed, quietly so as to not wake the other girls. She pulled a robe on over her nightgown and crept to the door.

---

So, yes, I totally realize that these are very short chapters… but if you wanted longer ones, you would comment more, I think… smile

I am about to shove my face full of food- I'm on a binge today, and seriously can't help myself. A little self pity here: If you've ever known ana, you know how sucky I feel at the moment… Please comment and make me feel better? Will love you for-EVER.

-Stevie


	8. Rendezvous

---

Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 8: Rendezvous

---

He walked down the hallway, eager to find a classroom that was empty. Maybe he could think in peace there, undisturbed by the snores of the other boys. He walked down the hallway, up the stairs and into an extremely long hallway with a towering ceiling.

Draco frowned. This was odd- he had never been here. He had been all over the castle in the six years he had been here, and yet this hallway was mysterious. He had taken the route to get to the Great Hall, but instead, he had apparently come... here.

He walked along the narrow hallway in search of a door, and when he finally found one, it was locked. He squinted his eyes and pulled out his wand. Draco had barely opened his mouth when the door sprang open, hitting him square in the face.

"Ah---" He rubbed his forehead where the door had hit him. "Man..."

The door swayed merrily, as if laughing at him. Draco sneered. "Thought that was really funny, didn't you?" He sqeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He was talking to a door. He must be either really tired or really stressed... for Merlin's sake, he was talking… to a door. 

He glared at the door and walked into the room. It was filled with white and purple couches and armchairs, and had a small coffee table in the middle of the room. He sighed. "Perfect."

He strode over to a dark purple couch and sank deep down into it, stretching his feet towards the end of it. The door suddenly slammed shut. Draco rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Go ahead, be as temperamental as you want."

The door somewhat grinned at him, and then Draco turned his focus back to himself.

---

She crawled out of the portrait hole, not knowing exactly where she was going. Maybe somewhere she could be alone, without Lavender's heavy breathing and Parvati's whistling snores. Maybe an empty classroom… Yeah, that's where she'd go. There were so many empty, lonesome rooms in Hogwarts, just begging to be discovered…

She started off down the hallway and proceeded down the long staircase that would lead her to the Great Hall. She turned onto the hallway, and then stopped.

It was the strangest hallway she had ever been in at Hogwarts. It was narrow, extremely long, and she couldn't even see the ceiling. She sighed.

"How in the world did I ever get here?" She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and looked back the way she came. The path seemed so hollow and lonely; it made her shiver. She turned back to the steep corridor and stepped cautiously onto the mysterious path, not knowing whether she could turn back.

Her soft, even footsteps led her to a doorway, and she stared at it. She put a hand on the doorknob, and her gentle hand eased opened the door. She walked in to see white and purple couches and armchairs. She glanced around, and when she spotted Draco her heart skipped a beat… or five.

He looked up when he heard the door open. When he saw her standing there, he immediately sat up. "Hermione-"

"How… are you um, I mean- wait- what are you doing here?"

"I don't really know."

"Draco..." She walked towards him and kneeled down beside the couch he was lying on, her face less than a foot from his. "I need to talk to you..."

"Talk, then." He remembered his decision to keep her safe from Lucius, and looked away from her. His eyes were steely, and he hardened his features as best he could.

"I need you."

He didn't respond.

"I never knew… and now that I know, I can't act like I don't…"

His lips pursed together. "Why not- I do."

"But Draco…"

"Don't, Hermione." He kept looking away.

"B- But..."

Hermione could feel herself falling apart inside… Her guard was never let down- never with anyone. But… her heart was in her hands, offered to him…

She was such a fool… She could stop now, get up and leave- go back to life as Malfoy and Granger… But he had to feel the same way, she thought. You can't fake emotions like the ones she felt run through him into her, can you?

"I can't let you go…"

"I told you, I'm not going to even think about doing anything about this other than that… You really need to let me go."

"You don't want me to."

"No. I do." He shifted his gaze, now looking directly into her eyes. The look was one she had grown up seeing- the icy gray that penetrated her whole body. It felt like he was cutting her in two...

"We could make it work- no one would ever know- I know that's what scares you- and I- I... I need you. I... really- do you think this is easy for me?"

Tears began to gather. She was fast losing her composure, starting to take in short, staggered breaths.

He rolled his eyes. "I don't care… Granger."

It hurt him so much to say that to her… but he knew there was no other way… 

There was silence.

She looked at him incredulously. "But I'm falling in love with you!" She shrieked, bursting into tears.

He tried to mask his feelings, but his hardened face faltered for a brief second. He tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come.

"And I can't help it, nor do I know why... and I just can't stop thinking about how much I'm falling for you, and you just don't care..."

He suddenly leapt up from the couch and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her up from the floor to his level. He stood there, watching her cry.

"Hermione..."

She just sobbed more, and collapsed into his arms.

"I hate this…" He sighed, and wrapped his arms around her.

She pulled away and looked him in the eye. "Why are you- But you... you said that... I would die... and- I..."

"Shh." He pulled her back into his grasp and stroked her hair until her shaky sobs turned into deep, sad breaths.

He had wanted her so badly... and she was his, if he let her be.

Hermione's thoughts were all mulling together in her head. I just poured my heart out… there's bits of it on the floor… And yet I feel so perfect in his arms… Why can't we just be… be the way we **should** be?

Draco realized after a while that someone actually claimed to be falling in love with him, and that someone… He felt something he had never felt before... It was more than infatuation. For once in his life, he really, truly, and honestly loved someone…

He would protect her. No way would anyone lay a hand on her… His ruthless father took away everything that he had ever loved, or cared for. His mother was kept from him; he was not allowed close friends… He had grown up in the eyes of a cool, hard death eater- emotion was weak. Hatred was strong.

Draco felt yet another surge of anger towards his father. This time, it wasn't anger for the beatings, or the curses… not the pain, or the anguish… but for keeping him from reaching this emotion, this incredibly amazing feeling…

There was no way that he would ever let his father have the satisfaction of taking Hermione from him. Ever.


	9. Recollections and a Threat

---

Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 9: Recollections and a Threat

---

Flashback

"Draco, my son, you must always remember two things in this world."

"What are they, Daddy?" Asked a five year old Draco.

"Number one... your blood is pure. You are one of the very few wizards who carry blood that is untainted..."

"Why is that important?"

"It is important because I want you to realize exactly who you are. I don't want you hanging around with... people-" He spat out the word, as if it were poisonous. "People... that are not as good as you. Pure blood rises among everything."

"But why, Daddy?"

"DO NOT QUESTION ME!" Lucius grabbed the back of Draco's robes, and walked over to the long, grand staircase that led to the basement. He shoved Draco, causing him to stumble and fall a few steps. Lucius registered a sneer on his face. "Get down there," his growling voice low and menacing.

Draco let out a small whimper, and ran down the stairs as fast as he could, afraid of what his father would do if he did not obey. He had reached the last stair and was about to turn when his father spoke.

"Do not turn around."

Draco obeyed and waited. A second later, he heard a low whisper.

"Crucio." Lucius whispered. A full blown cruiciatus spell at age five would surely kill the boy... He would just give him a little dose...

The pain was beyond anything Draco had ever experienced. He felt as if a thousand knives were stabbing him, over and over again. He let out a scream, and Lucius stopped the curse.

"Mind your manners, boy." Lucius then turned and walked out of the room

Draco never discovered what the second thing was. Over time, he had realized that, if anything... the lesson of that very first day in the basement was to never turn your back to anything. Even to people you thought you could trust.

End Flashback

"Draco? Draco- are you alright?" Hermione placed her hand on his cheek. "Do you feel alright?"

Draco suddenly snapped out of his memory. "Uh- what? Oh... no, Hermione, I'm fine."

He nodded. She smiled and leaned her head onto his shoulder. I convinced him, she thought. I persuaded big bad Draco Malfoy to let me in... 

"Hermione? Do you know what time it is?" 

"No..."

"We've been here for a while."

"It's probably around three... I left the common room after one."

"Or it might be later."

"True."

"I think we should go."

"I don't want to."

"I'm sorry... but I think we really need to go."

She sighed. "Fine."

He stood up and took her hand. "Come on, Hermione." She nodded and they both walked over to the door. He opened it and noticed that the hallway was now what looked like a normal Hogwarts corridor- considering the hallways at Hogwarts were even slightly normal.

Hermione frowned. "That's... odd."

Draco's eyes scanned the area, nervous that someone would see him with her. She noticed his eyes darting around, and she pulled him into a hug. "No one is here, Draco. You're fine." 

He sighed and started to walk down the hall, Hermione by his side. They walked for a while until they came upon the great hall. He looked at the giant grandfather clock that stood next to the doors and did a double take. The clock still read 1:04 AM. Had time stopped? He shook his head. Right now, it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered now was getting Hermione back to the common room unseen.

"Where's the Gryffindor common room?" He asked.

She pointed upwards. "Are you coming with me?"

He nodded and they started to walk up the stairs.

---

The next day

---

Draco walked into the Great Hall proudly, his trademark smirk registered on his face. Everything had to be the same today as every other day. No one was to even suspect a thing.

He walked over to where he usually sat, and waited for Crabbe and Goyle. They were never up until the last minute. As he took a sip from his goblet, a boy stood up from his seat down the table and hurried over to Draco. Blaise sat down beside him and waited for Draco to acknowledge his presence.

Draco looked up from eating and glared at him. "What do you want, Zabini?"

"Malfoy... Er-"

"I don't have all day. Hurry it up."

"I saw you with that mudblood. Granger."

Draco tensed up and clenched his fists. He had half a mind to sock him one, but common sense told him that wouldn't do him any good. Instead he flashed the black haired boy another glare. "Really. Have you now."

Blaise started to look uncomfortable. "Well... I heard you leave last night- you see, I hadn't fallen asleep either, and I followed you- I saw you walk into a hallway and disappear. Then I saw you reappear with the little wench, and she hugged you- and you didn't pull away. Then you both left, and I went back to the common room."

"You were probably dreaming, Zambini."

"I know I wasn't- I'm only looking out for you- I've never been on your bad side, and-"

"You've never been on my good side, either."

"But Malfoy... Look. I know what will happen if you keep this up with her... you'll go soft. You'll become one of them." He looked around, as if he was looking for a source of encouragement. "If you don't get rid of her soon, I'll get rid of her for you. It's for your own good, Malfoy."

Draco didn't show it, but inside he was shaking. He wouldn't off Hermione, would he? "And how would you do that, even if I was with her? Like you would do anything. I know you well enough- you wouldn't do anything that would put yourself in any trouble."

"I'd send an owl to your father. I'm not kidding- I know what their kind does to good men like you. She'll destroy you. If you don't stop, I'll do it. I don't want another pure blood to go bad. I'm really looking out for you."

Blaise then stood up and walked out of the Great Hall as the bell rang, letting them know they had ten minutes until their first class of the day. Draco sighed. He knew this would happen sooner or later. Damnit, she had him convinced that no one would know...

---

Hermione walked down the hall to her transfiguration class alone. Even though she had slightly forgiven Ron, she wasn't in the mood to speak to him OR Harry, and so she walked by herself. She entered the room and placed her things on a table.

Malfoy walked into the classroom shortly afterwards. He had an urge to sit by her, to show Zabini that he wasn't afraid of his pitiful threats, but he knew better. That would definitely get a rise out of more than a few people. Instead he brushed past her and dropped a note onto her table. He had written it during those few short minutes after he spoke with Zabini, and the writing was sloppy and rushed.

She watched him walk past, and she snatched the note a split second after he dropped it. Since class had technically not started yet, she asked McGonagall if she could run to the restroom. McGonagall looked into Hermione's hurried eyes, and said, "Hermione, if anything is wrong… feel free to come talk to me after class."

Hermione quickly nodded, and took off.

She dashed into the restroom and stood slumped against a wall. She opened his note and began deciphering his untidy scrawl.

Hermione-

Blaise Zabini cornered me today and told me I should stop seeing you. He followed me last night and saw me with you- He'll send an owl to my father if he sees anything again- "for my own good," he said. Hermione, I knew this wouldn't end nicely… Be careful. I don't want you hurt.

-Draco

She sighed. This was the one thing that could possibly drive him away from her. She stuffed the note into the pocket of her robes, and realized she was shaking.

Tears came to her eyes. She was never good enough for anything… anything at all… she wasn't enough for her parents, for Harry or Ron, for her teachers, for herself… and she had finally found someone who looked at her as if she mattered, and it was all about to be stripped away.

She glanced at herself in the mirror.

Was it too soon? She wondered. Did she leap into his arms, give him her heart… just because he was someone that maybe cared?

It might have been hasty… but her feelings were so incredibly strong. She cared about him. She wanted him… but she wanted him safe…

-------------------

Alright, folks, there's your chapter! ;)

I really appreciate reviews and feedback!

If you've read this entire story thus far, you should feel like commenting is like… expected… lol.

Over 1000 hits, and only 39 reviews, what the heck is that!

People who have reviewed are in my happy thoughts:

Mors4caudices, Emily, Glitterglow, TwistedAsTheDickens, Slythrin Corps, Pprincess17, xxlightningboltxx, -HP-Paddy-, mysticfire14, JollyRancher45, lazer-angel, Katz, Bale, Atlanta, DemonWitch666, Aiedail01, evilone33, and Sara

Thank you SO much for reviewing! It means a LOT to me!

So everyone else, just push that little button and type a few words, it'll really make me happy.

-Stevie


	10. A Feeling Worth Dying For

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Fear is How I Fall

Chapter 10: A Feeling Worth Dying For

---

A few days later

---

Hermione stood from her seat at the Gryffindor table and walked out of the Great Hall, catching Draco's eye as she went. She hadn't had the opportunity to speak to him since the Blaise incident happened. She had distanced herself from him so no one would suspect anything more, and she supposed that he had done the same.

He would know to follow suit after she caught his eye. She knew he needed to talk to her as much as she needed to talk to him. She walked along the side of the hallway, making sure no one was there to see. She hadn't waited but five minutes when sure enough, Draco walked out of the Great Hall.

"Hermione," He said as he walked up to her.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Did anything happen?" He asked, his eyes widening. "Did anyone-"

"No! Nothing like... that... No one's confronted me about you. Yet."

"What do you mean, yet?"

"I mean that we can't keep it a secret forever, Draco! Someone IS going to figure it out, Blaise Zabini is only one person... but one person tells another person, and that person tells two more people, and those two people... news travels fast, and pretty soon the whole school will know!" She shook her head and her hands formed fists. "I thought... I thought it could work, I really did..."

"It's alright, Hermione. We'll be okay," He said, pulling her close. He lifted her chin up. "Listen to me. You were right. No one does have to know..."

"But you're WRONG!" She said, shoving him backwards. "I KNOW what purebloods do to- to- to people like you and me! They'll all inwardly shun you, because you broke the pureblood chain, and they'll all blame me for leading you away! I read newspapers, Draco… and the War that's coming…" she sighed. "It'll be… just awful…" she looked away, afraid to say anything more.

Draco was silent. What would happen to him for loving her would be more horrible and drastic than she knew. Or maybe she did know...

"Hermione... it would be a lot worse than social pressure... It's almost a matter of life or death," He said, bringing her back close. "But... I don't- KNOW what it is about you... I've never broken down my shell for ANYONE, and it's just that... I've put myself out there. I'm giving you all I am, Hermione, the bad and the good. If there is any good…"

He looked away, as if he was falling apart and needed to pull his mind together again. Biting his lip, he stared into her eyes.

His eyes held so much passion and brutal honesty that Hermione wanted to cry. She wanted to pull him into her embrace and keep him there forever…

You've gotten so far into me, you have no idea... I can't even begin to believe how long I've really known you. I feel like I've known you my entire life, and I feel like I know everything about you, and visa versa- I mean, even though that's completely ridiculous, and I know I can't know you like that… I do. I swear to God, I feel like I do… and when you're near me, like this, like now, I feel like you're the only girl in the world, and everyone else can just go to hell, because they're tearing us apart. I never thought I would ever love anyone, EVER. But now... I can see you, and me, and us... there is an us, Hermione. We're supposed to be together... it wouldn't have happened this fast, and I wouldn't feel this way if we weren't. I'm willing to go to any lengths for you, Hermione. You don't even know. That's why I don't give a damn about Zabini. That's WHY I don't care about what he saw. I'm willing to fight for you, and I feel so crazy saying all of these things, because it all doesn't make sense. I have no heart, Mione. I'm a beast, I've hurt people all of my life… I've been brought up that way... but no one's ever gotten this close, and I've never cared for someone so much. But God, Hermione… It makes me think that for having no heart, I love you pretty damn much."

Hermione's heart leapt into her throat. She opened her mouth to protest, but she couldn't find anything to protest about. He loved her. That thought alone made her stomach twist and turn upside down, and made her want to shout out loud. Someone loved her...

One part of that stood out in her mind... "We're supposed to be together... it wouldn't have happened this fast, and I wouldn't feel this way if we weren't." How long had she felt this way? He had taken her diary Friday... today was Thursday. She shook her head. Such a short amount of time to build such feelings... Her eyes squeezed shut. There was so much to think about, to worry about. His father would kill him... and her...

"Draco, I-"

"Shh..." He said, putting a finger over her lips. He looked around once more. "Hermione, this is a feeling worth dying for."

"But-"

"No. I don't want you to say anything, all you'll tell me is that you don't want me dead, and I know that already."

"Draco... It's just that... I'm scared."

He drew her close and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Don't be." He wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "I'll always be here for you, Hermione, as long as you'll let me be."

They stood like that for a bit, until someone walked out of the Great Hall. He turned to go up the stairs, but halted when he saw Draco and Hermione.

"Malfoy!"

Draco immediately ceased to hug Hermione and registered a glare on his face. "Zabini."

Hermione stepped behind Draco and grabbed his hand. They had been caught again... It was over... Zabini had seen them again. He would tell Lucius, and then... then... She didn't want to think about it.

"Malfoy, you- I told you- but why-"

"Having difficulties speaking, Zabini? Maybe you should do us all a favor and shut up. That would solve a lot of problems." Draco's trademark sneer was registered on his face, now focused on a former ally.

"I told you what I would do if I saw you with her again, Malfoy."

"You're too afraid to do anything, Zabini."

"I don't want you to be wasted on her. There aren't enough purebloods these days... and there are too many going bad. You won't be one of them. Your father is a death eater. Mine too... if I let this go, not only you would be dead, but me too for not turning you in. I don't care about you enough to let you have a fling with a mudblood wench."

"So that's the real reason? You are a true Slytherin, after all… You do only care for yourself… I should have known."

"Yes, you should've. But since you didn't, I'm turning you in. The Easter holidays are approaching. I assume that when your father finds out he'll want a word with you... in private..." He diverted his gaze away from Draco's, and headed up the stairs.

"Draco looked down at Hermione. "You'll be alright, won't you?" She asked.

"I'll be fine." He said, his eyes wanting to burn a hole in Zabini's back. "I told you, I won't let anything happen to you."

"But Easter holidays are coming up, like he said... won't you have to go home?"

"I won't go. I'll stay here."

"Your father will make you."

"Nothing could make me."

"But I won't be here."

"And why not?"

"I have to go home. My parents... they..."

"I get it, Mione... It's alright. Write me."

"I will... but... your father would kidnap you... wouldn't he, though? I mean, if he wanted you home bad enough?"

"He won't... I'll speak to Dumbledore. I'll tell him, if he doesn't know about this already. I told you, I'll be fine."

Hermione nodded, still uncertain. Lucius would find a way. She knew it.

---

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It would have been up sooner, but was being silly last night and wouldn't let me upload anything... but... Please REVIEW! R-E-V-I-E-W! does cheerleader motions lol, I'm being silly. Only not really, because you DO need to review…

Anyway. I also want to say that when it's the end of the story, you'll KNOW it's the end of the story. Because I'll tell you! Lol.

Push that little button down there now… lest I brainwash you… THEN you'll review… teehee...

-Stevie


	11. Conversations with a side of Irony

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Fear is How I Fall

Chapter 11: Conversations with a side of irony

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"Attention, students!" Dumbledore said. He was standing in front of the Great Hall, waving his hands around. "As you all know, this is your last dinner before you head off towards home for the Easter holidays. Bright and early tomorrow, those of you leaving for home must awake to board the Hogwarts Express, which is leaving at eight A.M. sharp! If you miss the train you will have to stay here, and you will not get to see your family unless they come and get you! I strongly advise you not to miss the train! Now, thank you all and get a good night's sleep!" He stepped down and headed to the staff table, picking up his robes so as to not trip over them.

Draco noticed this opportunity to speak to the headmaster, and got up from his table. He walked over to the staff table and tapped Dumbledore on the shoulder.

"Sir?"

"Ah, yes! Mr, Malfoy! I've been waiting for you to speak to me."

"You have?"

"Of course! I assume you know that I know what you are here for."

Draco was a bit confused by that, but he shrugged it off. "About the holiday, sir? Can anyone-"

"Force you to come home? Of course not! You only leave for the holiday of your own free will. No one will come and drag you off."

Relief must have shown in Draco's eyes, for Dumbledore grinned. "You really are all right, my boy. It's too bad that a girl you can't have is the one who showed that. I honestly do wish you the best of luck."

Draco, bewildered that he could have known that much about his feelings for Hermione, muttered a small "Thanks," and walked back to his chair in the Great Hall.

---

Later

---

"I'll miss you," Hermione said as she gave Draco a hug. "I'll owl you, and I'll see you when I get back..." Her eyes started to fill with tears.

"Oh Hermione... don't cry, the holidays are only a week long! I'll see you soon, don't worry," Draco said as he brushed the tear that was falling down her cheek away with his thumb. He smiled weakly. "No worries."

"But... I just feel like I'm not going to get to see you again after this."

Draco shook his head. "You're being paranoid. Dumbledore promised me I wouldn't be taken from Hogwarts. I'm safe here, and you're safe wherever my father doesn't know you're at. I'm telling you, things will be fine," he said. He suddenly swallowed his emotions and smiled for her. His outward appearance looked confident, but inside, he was nervous. There were ways that Lucius could find her, he knew... But she didn't need to know that. "Just be careful... and everything will be fine. I promise."

"You're not going down there with me," She said.

"Everyone already knows, Hermione..."

"I know... but I don't want you to get any bullshit from anyone else because you're with me..."

He sighed. "Alright... Listen, I'll see you later. It'll be okay."

She nodded and squeezed him one last time before she pulled away. She leaned over and grabbed her bag, then stood straight before kissing him on the cheek and walking down and out of the empty hallway.

As she walked down the hallway, she didn't look back. Looking back at him would mean that she would forget going home altogether and she would run back into his arms- no matter how bad it would hurt her over the summer with her parents. She took a deep breath and opened the doors that led outside to the coaches that would take them to the Hogwarts Express.

She had climbed into a coach and was waiting patiently for them to leave when two certain red headed people climbed in.

After a few moments of silence, the two boys glanced at each other and took a nose dive into the subject.

"We heard what was going on with that Malfoy bugger," Fred said.

"Nasty snot nosed-" Fred cut George off by elbowing him in the ribs. "Er- what he means to say is, why didn't you tell us?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Tell you? I never tell you anything."

"No, you tell Ron and Harry, which is just as good as telling us because we always manage to get it out of them one way or another," George said.

"We're quite creative with these ways of... shall we say, extracting information." Fred added with a sly grin.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I really don't need to know about that, thank you."

"Oh sure you do! It's quite interesting. One time we made use of those things in the dungeon where Filch liked to hang people from their toes. We levitated Ron while he was sleeping into-" George rambled on until Fred once again elbowed him in the ribs.

"She doesn't need to know about that, George!" He shook his head. "Really, now... but why didn't you tell them? Well, them-slash-us, because we know whatever they know. How come our information didn't come from them? Are you not... talking anymore?"

The coach started to move and Hermione looked out the window up at the castle. She looked at a certain window, and he was there, staring out at her. He's going to miss me, she thought. This next week is going to be awful... Suddenly George snapped his fingers in front of her.

"You there?" He asked.

"Mm? Oh, yeah, I'm here."

"Then give us an answer!"

"Huh? Oh... no, we're talking still... we just aren't as... close. With Harry especially… He's been so depressed, but he's being a spoiled brat about it... No matter how I feel, he _obviously_ feels worse. And Ron tags along with him, and scorns me alongside Harry."

"Well! That answers one question!" George said. "Now- about that filthy stinking ferret-"

"George!" Hermione said. "If you want to call him a ferret in front of me then go right ahead, but if you want any information out of me you won't!"

"Er... alrighty… then what exactly is the deal with him, now?"

Hermione looked at the floorboards of the moving coach. "He loves me."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Come _on_, Hermione! Do you not SEE how much bullshit that is? I mean, bloody hell, all that kind of man wants is a good screw! You can't **possibly**-"

"You're just as bad as Ron! You really don't know! I don't... you don't... he's not... It's _not_ that! Draco loves me like no one ever has before, I feel like he actually cares! It's a bit ironic, I'm not stupid, and I DO see that, but when you find someone you love and who loves you back, you tend to not want to let them go... even if it _is_ socially wrong in the eyes of others. THIS is why I don't tell Ron and Harry... It is none of their business who I'm in love with! They aren't in charge of me, and they can't say otherwise. It's not ANYONE'S duty to control what I do with myself except mine!"

"But Hermione!" George said. "He's really not worth throwing yourself away for!"

"He might not be worth it, but the feeling I get when I'm around him _IS_. This is what I want... It's dangerous and I realize that, but I can't keep myself from him..." She laughed. "He's the negative and I guess I'm the positive... and it feels like it fits." She brought her knees up to her chest and laid her head down. "Don't worry about me."

George clenched his fists. "But-" Fred put his hand over his twin's mouth.

"No more talking."

George looked angry but took a deep breath and nodded.

---

That night, at Hermione's house

--- 

Hermione changed into the pajamas that hung in her closet. The flannel was stiff from not being washed for a long time... she hadn't taken these pajamas to Hogwarts. She tied her hair up into a messy bun and crawled underneath the covers of her bed.

She flicked off her bedside lamp and lay there, bringing her knees up so that she was curled into a ball. She sighed. She had lied in the bed for more than fifteen minutes when she heard a sound like someone stepping on the creak in the stairs. Her parents weren't home... they had left already. It was a Friday, and they had gone out partying together, like usual. She shrugged off the noise until she heard it again.

Someone was in her house. She sat up in bed and listened. Yes, another footstep... She turned on her lamp as she watched her doorknob slowly turn. Instinctively she grabbed her wand from the bedside table and shoved it in the waistband of her pants. She stumbled out of her bed and was rushing toward her window when the door flew open.

"STUPENDA!" The person roared as a flash of light flew out of their wand.

Hermione barely had time to scream before she froze... and everything went black.

---

Sorry it took me so long to update! I don't really know why it took me so gosh darn long, it's summer, I have nothing to do… and so I'm on the computer CONSTANTLY! …But I just haven't updated! I'm so sorry… but at least you got another chapter to tide you over… :)

Thank you to all my reviewers! It really means a lot to me when you leave comments about the story… for serious! I love you all, so keep reviewing, and refer all your fanfic reading friends to this story, and I'll love you for EVER. No joke.

So push that little button down there and leave me a few words… I don't even care what they are- nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak! Lol… But seriously.

-Stevie


	12. Meeting Lucius

Okay, I am SOOOOO sorry that I haven't updated in forever! I mean, my last chapter only got what, three reviews? I was waiting until I got a little more, but I never did… so that is why you waited so long for a little update If only you had reviewed! You would probably be reading the very last chapter right now, instead of the… well, the chapter a good few chapters before the last chapter. So if you REVIEW… you'll read the next chapter a LOT sooner!

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Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 12:

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When Hermione was revived some odd days later, she was lying on a hard wooden cot in a dungeon. "Ah..." She tried to sit up, and then realized she had a huge headache and her whole body was incredibly stiff. She managed to pull herself into a sitting position before glancing at her surroundings.

It was a small, dark, damp chamber. There were bars across one side of the room, and there was a tiny window in an upper corner. The thought of escape entered her mind for a split second, but then she realized that there wasn't any way she could fit through the window; it was a bit more than half the size of a cereal box.

She looked through the bars, and on the other side of them was a heavy-set man standing extremely straight and stiff, as if he had a steel rod running through his back. She couldn't see his face because of the darkness. He was clearly the one that had revived her, for he held a wand.

"I revived the girl, boss," The heavy-set man said to a slimmer man who was walking briskly towards him.

"Already?" The slimmer man asked, irritated. "I said wait a bit more... But I guess there isn't anything we can do about it now."

Hermione gasped. She knew that voice... It reminded her of Draco's, just a bit scratchy and slighty deeper. It had to be... and that would mean that they HAD found her, and she was in the Malfoy Mansion dungeons.

The guard muttered "Lumos," and the light from his wand briefly shone on the slimmer man, confirming her fears. Lucius Malfoy was standing in front of her. Hundreds of thoughts crammed into her head at once. Why did they bring her here? Was she going to be safe? Did Draco know where she was?

She slammed her hand on the wooden cot in frustration and let out a whimper. She had gotten a splinter in her hand.

"You! Shut up!" Yelled the heavier man.

"Relax, Zabini. Leave her to me," Lucius Malfoy said, and cruelly smiled. "You can go now, and be sure to send that owl to Draco. He needs to know who's visiting us for Easter..."

The heavy man, who Hermione now acknowledged as Blaise Zabini's father, walked up a few rickety steps and out of the dungeon. A realization dawned on Hermione. Dumbledore said that no one could make Draco leave Hogwarts unless it was of his own free will. Lucius planned to use her as bait... Draco would come after her once he knew she was trapped here...

"No..." She muttered. Once Draco came for her, he would be punished for loving her...

"No what, mudblood?" Lucius asked. "Do you now realize what is going on? You see, I've heard you're a rather smart girl... I knew you'd figure it out sooner or later."

"Yes, but..."

"But? But you didn't think I'd find you? You didn't think something like this would happen? Let me tell you a little secret... this would have happened sooner or later. Draco would've come come for the summer... this just makes everything a lot messier, kidnapping you and all... I just am not accustomed to waiting."

"He's going to come down here for me... and then what are you going to do with him?"

"Oh, I haven't decided yet... I'm varying between torture and murder... It's a horribly sad thing, to have to have someone murder your only son, but I won't let him disgrace this family."

Hermione snorted. "What family? This isn't a family."

"HUSH! You do not know of whom you speak to in that tone of voice, the things I could do to you for that..." Lucius cruelly smiled with a new evil in his eyes. "I think I've decided my torture... Thank you my dear, you have been very helpful to me." He turned to leave and then stopped. "Oh, and I wouldn't try your wand… Maybe you'll learn something here... stick with your own kind, mudblood. Things like this can turn nasty..." He looked up and then continued out of the darkness.

---

Okay… remember what I said! Review! Review!

-Stevie


	13. Post Script

Oh YAY! I got more reviews… and as I promised, a quick update! grin I know. You just love me. Ooh, and I love these short chapters… Teehee. So, leave me MORE reviews… and you'll get… ANOTHER UPDATE? GASP lol. Okay, I'll let you read now…

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Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 13: Post Script

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Lucius walked out of the dungeon, up the old, rickety stairs and down a magnificent hallway. He stopped in front of a large mahogany door and whispered a password. The door opened and Lucius strode in and sat down at a desk. He rang a bell, and then continued to sit there, tapping his fingers on the antique wood.

He sighed. "It's really a shame..." He shook his head. "Incredibly sad, it is... the boy would have been a great leader for the cause..."

He impatiently rang the bell once again. "ZABINI! Get in here!"

The heavyset, middle aged man ran into the room, catching himself before he tripped over the doorway. His breathing was short and labored from running. "Sorry boss, I had to find someone to watch the girl-"

"No apologizing," Lucius said, narrowing his eyes. "You come when I ring for you."

"Yes, boss." He lowered his eyes to the floor.

"Now- did you send that owl to Draco yet?"

"No."

"Useless…" Malfoy muttered. "Well, do you have it with you? I think I want to add something..."

Zabini dug in a pocket on the inside of his dark cloak for a while before unfolding the letter and handing it to Lucius.

"Dear Draco-" Lucius read. "How have your Easter holidays been so far? Mine have been absolutely splendid- I hope you're having a lovely time as well... A friend of yours decided to stop by last night, it was such a pleasant surprise- I believe you know her very well, Hermione Granger, her name is... Anyway, she was hoping you'd stop by, but of course you are at school... I would have really loved to see you over the holidays, are you sure you will stay at Hogwarts? I hope to see you soon-"

Lucius grinned maliciously. "I think I shall add a note at the bottom... 'P.S- If you absolutely cannot return home, Hermione and I shall have a few games to play on our own. Oh, I know she hopes you'll be able to join us, but if not… I'm sure _I'll_ have fun with her.'"

The evil smile across his face grew, if possible, more demonic than before. "It's time to see what he does..." He opened a window and whistled. A large tawny owl flew up to the window, and Lucius rolled up the letter and attached it to the owls extended leg. "Draco, at Hogwarts. Make sure he receives this quickly." The owl took off and Lucius haughtily smirked once more before closing the curtains.

"Sometimes, I surprise myself with how marvelous I am…"


	14. Action is Taken

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Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 14: Action Is Taken

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Draco woke up at noon the next day. He groaned and rolled out of bed, groggily rubbing his eyes and yawning. He walked over to his trunk and started to pull out clothes for the day. He grabbed a shirt and had started to pull it over his head when he heard something tapping at his window.

He walked over to the window and opened it. A large tawny owl flew onto the ledge and extended his leg. Draco pulled the message from the owl and then it flew out of the window towards the owlery.

Draco unfolded the note and started to read- but he didn't finish. His hands started to shake and the letter drifted to the floor. Draco stood in his boxers, and cold beads of sweat were gathering on his body.

He had her. Now that he had her, he could get him... What would Lucius do? He shook his head... there was no other option. He had to play the damn hero role... He scoffed slightly at the prospect of acting like bloody Potter, going off to save Hermione... But what else was there to do?

He swallowed a few tears, and then set his face to stone. There was no way Lucius could win this time. Draco wasn't going to let him... there was no fucking way. With a new determination, he pulled his clothes on and slid into a robe. He ran out of the room and down the stairs, silently cursing at himself for letting Hermione go home, away from Hogwarts.

He walked briskly through the Great Hall and went through the doors that led outside. He quickly made his way over to the Quidditch field and went into the broom closet. He grabbed his Nimbus, and on his way out he saw Potter's Firebolt.

"Yeah... that's faster..." He ditched his Nimbus and grabbed the Firebolt, mumbling something about becoming even more like bloody Potter.

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Woot! The end of another short chapter. But you love me, right? Right! Soooo… you'll review? Pretty please? I know I love YOU… Teehee. Ooh, what happens next? Ooh. Review and I'll post. I think we're 2/3 of the way done with the story… you never know… mischievous giggle

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	15. True Torture

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Fear Is How I Fall

Chapter 15: True Torture

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Once in the air, Draco had nothing to do but think, and thinking was definitely not the best thing for him to do. His mind wandered to his father, and how he, Draco, used to be exactly like him. He had forced himself to hate Hermione and anyone else who wasn't "pure." It sickened him how closed minded he had been.

He tried to shove the thoughts out of his head, but they kept coming... He thought how Lucius would play sick games with his head, and reminded himself that he needed to be strong for Hermione... For God's sake, don't hurt her, he thought. Whatever you do, don't you dare hurt her...

An hour passed before he saw the mansion in the distance. The firebolt had really done its job, he thought. He was relieved to know that sometime soon, he would see Hermione, and hopefully he could retrieve her from the clutches of his father.

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Lucius stepped inside Hermione's dank and dreary chamber. "Hello," he said, hatred dripping from his voice.

He walked closer to her and stared at her in disgust. He leaned down, lifted her chin and sickeningly smiled. "How might you be this lovely afternoon?"

Hermione glared at him, the anger burning in her eyes. She took a step back in order to not be so close to him. "Never better," she spat.

This seemed to humor Lucius, and he took another step towards her, pinning her to a wall. "I've received knowledge that dearest Draco has left Hogwarts... I hope he'll be joining us, but I don't think you and I have really gotten a chance to talk. Before he comes, I'd like to get to know you a bit more..." He said all this with an evil smile on his face.

"I won't talk to you."

"Oh, I'm sure you won't… at first, I mean. But you know… with a push in the right direction, you might."

"Wh- what do you mean?" Her eyes tried to avoid his steely gaze, but his evil eyes bored into the core of her being, as if staring into her soul.

"I think you know perfectly well what I mean… Ah, well, I must go… I'll send Zabini for you when Draco arrives." He started to walk out of the door when he turned back and stroked her face. "You are a pretty girl, Miss Granger. It's such a pity you're so… oh, what's the word- revolting." He sneered once more before brushing his hand down her side, barely touching her.

She shivered at his touch, as if she could feel the hatred seeping through his skin.

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Draco landed outside the back doors, and immediately was grabbed by Zabini. "Damnit," he muttered. Oh well, he thought. Not like he could have snuck in, anyway. His father had the mansion locked down like a fortress- no one got in, and no one got out.

He was dragged into the front door of his home and was hauled up the stairs and down the hall to his father's office. Once there, Zabini shoved him into a wooden chair and muttered a spell. Ropes flew out of his wand and bound Draco to the chair.

Draco clenched his fists. His father was going to do something... otherwise there would be no reason for the chair. The thought of what Lucius could be planning made his skin crawl. He was not going to like whatever was coming his way.

He waited for probably fifteen minutes in that chair, pondering what kind of evil thing his father would do. Those long minutes seemed like an eternity… He hated not knowing, and not knowing if Hermione was alright was torture.

When the fifteen minutes passed, Lucius strode in through the door. He looked over at Draco with disgust, and then stood directly in front of him.

"Zabini. Get the girl."

One worry was off his chest... at least she was alive. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "You think she's fine, do you? You think she's alright? Well, she might be. Who says I'm not bringing her in pieces?" Lucius chuckled a bit. "You always were a naïve boy."

"Don't kid me, father."

"Or what? What will Draco the Mudblood Lover do?"

Draco thought, staring hard into Lucius's eyes, and then hung his head in shame. He wouldn't be able to do anything. There was no way he could stop Lucius... He really had been kidding himself. There was nothing he could do now.

Lucius smiled. "That's what I thought." He turned as he heard the door open and saw Zamini holding Hermione's arms behind her. "Perfect timing, Zabini. I suppose you aren't useless after all…"

Hermione's eyes lit up when she saw Draco. Maybe there was some way out of this… Somehow, maybe things would become right, and they would escape this prison together…

Draco breathed another sigh of relief. She was okay after all... But what Lucius had planned still evaded him. What...

"It's lovely to see you, miss," Lucius said. He strode over to her and tilted her chin up. "I bet you both have been wondering what I had planned..." He grinned evilly. "I had several ideas, you see... but none seemed very worthwhile, until, that is, I realized that Draco really did love this muggle born wench..." Lucius took his hand and traced the outline of her neck slowly moving down to her side.

Hermione shuddered at his touch. She squeezed her eyes tight and tried to imagine that it wasn't Lucius touching her. She struggled pathetically against Zabini's strong, tight grip, and a tear fell down her cheek.

"I had just positively the best idea..." and then Lucius bent over and kissed Hermione's neck.

Draco let out a small growl as he watched his father kiss the only girl he ever loved... this was probably the worst punishment Lucius could give him... and he had known. Lucius had known how much he cared for Hermione, and he had taken advantage of that.

The hate welled up inside Draco. His blood seared through his veins and his fists were clenched tight.

Hermione started to whimper, and more tears cascaded down her soft face. She couldn't look at Draco… it was too painful. She trembled in Lucius's grip, deathly afraid of what more she would have to endure.

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Well. Please don't hate me for leaving you with an awful cliffie! I'm sorry, but I had to, It's a good stopping point- but hey, the chapter was longer… why, you ask? Well I would have to say the LOVELY amount of WONDERFUL comments! YAY! See what happens when you review? You get good updates! Teehee. SO. I would have to say… review, and you'll get more sooner! smile

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	16. Obliviate

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Fear is How I Fall

Chapter 16: Obliviate

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Draco jolted in his chair. Anger burned through him, and his hands throbbed from being clenched so tightly. He wanted to look away, but for some reason he couldn't... This couldn't be happening... Thoughts ran through his mind like wildfire. How did I get myself into this position... What did I do to deserve this... God, I can't do anything right... I couldn't hate him more if I tried... Is this payback for everything I've done?

"That's right, Draco... Watch. Watch me. Watch her tremble in fear... and know that you can do nothing about it!" Lucius said.

He was right... there was nothing he could do to protect her, and Lucius had the power to do anything-- He shook his head. There was no way he could imagine that... Lucius wasn't below it, of course... but...

"Are you enjoying yourself, Draco? You got yourself, and her, into this mess... and now you have to pay for it... I hope you're having as much fun with this as I am," Lucius said.

Lucius met Draco's gaze. The similar eyes stared into each other, both unforgiving and filled with hatred. Draco's eyes bored into Lucius so fiercely that he focused his gaze back on Hermione. "Do you realize what you have done, mudblood? This is all--"

"No! NONE of this is her fault!" Draco yelled. "Don't you lay one more finger on her, or I swear--"

Lucius laughed. "You swear what? What are you going to do? There's no way you could-- what? What are you doing? NO!"

Draco's arms had been tied rather tightly to the arms of the chair, and he had applied enough force to break them off. He lunged forward to physically attack Lucius, but he couldn't move fast enough.

"NO!" Lucius pushed Hermione away and pointed his wand at Draco. "CRUCIO!" Lucius yelled. Draco was suddenly hit with the familiar, searing pain. Every bone in his body was being shattered, every nerve was shot, every inch of him was being stabbed with a million sharpened knives.

Hermione had noticed that Zabini, not being all that bright, had let go of her arms and had started to watch Lucius torture Draco. She grabbed the wand that he had been holding, and pointed it at his neck. Zabini, finally becoming aware of what was happening, looked down at Hermione and started to quiver. "Don't move," Hermione said.

"No!" Lucius yelled, stopping his torture on Draco. "NO! Malevolentia!" A bright light escaped his wand and hit Hermione. Her body jolted violently, she uttered a cry, and then fell lifelessly to the floor. She didn't move.

A disgruntled roar came from Draco. "YOU! Expelliarmus!" Draco yelled. Lucius' wand flew out of his hands and into Draco's. Lucius stared at his empty hand, and then up at Draco. Then suddenly, as if a switch had been flipped, his face changed from hateful to afraid.

"Draco-- you don't know what you're doing... She's got you under a spell! Quit doing this, I'm your father! Your duties are to me and the dark lord!"

Draco squinted his eyes and gave half a smirk. "Sorry dad... I've organized my priorities... And you know what, they don't include you."

Lucius dropped to his knees, powerless to block any spell Draco could possibly throw at him. "But- You're my son! Don't--"

"Don't what? Don't kill you? Do you EVEN know what you have done to me? Do you EVEN KNOW! Why SHOULDN'T I kill you! LOOK at what you've done- no... you wouldn't understand-- you've never been able to love ANYONE!"

"Love is nothing but a four letter word... A silly emotion! Emotions are for the weak, Draco!"

"You don't have any IDEA how much I've hated my emotions because of you! I never wanted love-- because you drilled into my head that it was something to look down on-- and now that I've had a taste of it, I've never wanted ANYTHING more!"

"I--"

"Did you hear me? Never! She MATTERS to me. For the first time in my life, I've found someone I care about. Someone that I would risk my LIFE for. You wouldn't understand everything I feel for her, you don't EVEN know--"

"Stupid boy! You don't LOVE this- this-" A look of complete disgust filled his face. "This mudblood!"

"Enough!" Draco roared. "I have had enough of you! There is nothing that can save you from me now. It's over! Do you hear me? You're never getting another chance."

"What could you do to me?" Lucius let out something like a chuckle. "Are you going to kill me? Right! You couldn't kill me if you tried... I almost forgot... you're a sixteen year old nobody! You don't know a thing-- and it's a tad obvious, might I add... daring to take on your father? Second only to You Know Who. You've forgotten your place, Draco."

Draco's ice blue eyes glowed with fury. He was holding the wand so tight his whole body shook.

"OBLIVIATE!" he yelled with as much force as he could muster.

Lucius flew off his feet and into the wall behind him. A vase fell off a bookshelf and shattered on the floor. Draco stared at his father. His memory charms were the best in his grade-- no one could do them as well... including Hermione. He turned towards Zabini, who was now shaking rather violently. "Obliviate!" He shouted. It wasn't as powerful as the spell bestowed upon Lucius, but it still had been powerful enough for what was necessary.

"What? Where am I?" Zabini said. He scratched his head and looked at Draco. "Who are you?"

Draco shook his head and then realized Hermione was still unmoving on the floor. He rushed to her side and rolled her over, taking her wrist and checking for a pulse. She was alive, but just barely. "Oh god..." He started shaking. He picked her up in his arms and looked around the room. His father, lying unconscious on the floor, wouldn't remember a thing. He wouldn't know who he was, where he was... Draco had probably wiped his entire life from memory. He would be safe from his wrath, at least for now. And Hermione...

She wasn't moving. The rise and fall of her chest could barely comfort him, for he knew that if he didn't get help for her soon...

He couldn't think about that. There wasn't any room for worrying... he had to believe that she would be alright. She had to be.

Draco hurried out of the house and found Potter's broom right where it had fallen. "Up!" The broom flew up beside his waist. He looked from the broom and then to Hermione. He sat on the broom and wrapped his arms around her so she was secure, and wouldn't fall.

Kicking off into the air, all he hoped was that he wouldn't be too late.

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So there you have it, another chapter… I hope that was a little better of a chapter for you guys, I don't like icky gross things… grin So this was better. But dundundun, the question IS: will Hermione truly be okay? Teehee. Review a lot and I'll post another chapter…


	17. Pacing

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Fear is How I Fall

Chapter 17: Pacing

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Draco was tired... forget tired, the man was exhausted. The incredibly strong memory charm bestowed on his father had used up a lot of his strength. It was all he could do to focus on Hermione and keep an arm tight around her.

Hogwarts wasn't far from Draco's house, at least, flying with Harry's broom. It might have taken hours using his own, but with the Firebolt he was flying faster than he'd ever flown.

Despite his speed, everything seemed to be moving slowly. Every breath Hermione took seemed to be shallower than the one before it... With every quiver of her limp body Draco's heart beat faster. Every minute seemed like an hour- and when his broom touched down on the Hogwarts grounds, he felt as if he had been on the longest ride of his life.

His body was exhausted- but there wasn't anyone who could stop Draco Malfoy at this point. As he ran inside the castle, Hermione in his arms, there was nothing on his mind except her. The pain in his legs from pushing them to run was nothing, and neither was the pain he felt in his arms from holding her. He had forgotten his pain. Nothing mattered except Hermione.

When he ran into the Hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey was tending to a cut on a student's arm. She looked up at Draco and immediately went pale.

"Madame Pomfrey, I-"

"Hush, child. Put her there," she said, motioning towards a bed that was placed along the wall.

Draco moved quickly, knowing that each second wasted could mean life or death for Hermione...

He stood in silence as Madame Pomfrey checked her over. The look in her eyes made Draco want to scream, for she didn't look hopeful.

When she finally had finished looking her over, she hurried to a room in the back. When she returned, she was carrying a bottle filled with a dark, murky liquid. She didn't stop to tell him a thing- just strode over to Hermione and tilted her head up. She tipped the bottle slightly into her mouth and watched carefully as she gulped the liquid down.

When the liquid was gone, Madame Pomfrey set the empty bottle on the table and paused for a minute with her back to Draco. When she turned, she seemed to avoid Draco's gaze.

"Well?" Draco demanded.

"Mr. Malfoy- I don't really think I should..."

"Should what!"

"Listen, I... I'm not going to convey this message to you." She looked at him suspiciously. "You didn't... do this, did you?"

"Of course I didn't!" There suddenly was fury in his eyes. She didn't know about them... He ran his fingers through his hair, and then turned away. "Is she going to die?"

"I don't know."

"Is she going to die! You DO know!"

"Mr. Malfoy, I-"

"TELL ME!"

"If you cannot calm down on your own I will be forced to make you calm down!"

He shot a glare at her and then started pacing.

"The headmaster will be here shortly-"

As she spoke, Dumbledore exploded into the room, worry written on his face.

"Speak of the devil, Albus," Madame Pomfrey exclaimed. "I need to ask you about Mr. Malfoy, I-"

"He can be in here with Hermione as much as he needs to be."

"Oh!" She looked taken aback, and then started to speak again before Dumbledore interrupted her.

"How is she?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know, I just gave her the potion, but I don't know if it will work... It's been a while since the attack happened, I imagine, and I can't tell how long it will be before we know."

Dumbledore looked at Hermione, then at Draco. "Draco, come with me." He started to walk out the room, but then stopped when he realized Draco wasn't moving. "I said, come with me."

"I'm not leaving her."

"She will be fine without you here for a little while. You can trust me on this, Draco."

Draco looked from Hermione to Dumbledore, and then reluctantly nodded. Dumbledore walked out of the room and Draco followed, his head down. He led him to his office, looking rather grim the whole way there.

Once in his office, Dumbledore sat behind his desk and motioned for Draco to sit in a chair opposite him.

"Now, Draco. I need to know exactly what happened."

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So another chapter! Sorry I didn't update sooner… smiles sheepishly But. Please review and review and review more! It really makes me happy!

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